It Was Time to Write a New Chapter …
There I was, sitting on a curb, on my way back to the college dorm after running an errand on campus. What was I doing there? Well, to make a long story short, …
The fatigue spells and low resistance that plagued me through my senior year in high school had followed me into my freshman year of college.
Doctors were unable to diagnose what I was struggling with. It would be years before they would recognize what I was suffering from as a legitmate disease. After going through a assortment of names by which the illness could be identified, it was given the current name, ME/CFS, which is an acronym for Myalgic Encephalomyelitis/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.
So there I was, stuck there on the curb, unable to make it back to the dorm. This was not a good feeling–to say the least!–especially for a young, autonomous, outgoing young adult man. Everyone was walking to wherever they needed or wanted to go seemingly without a care in world as to what a remarkable thing it is to be able to go and do and live to their hearts’ delight! And, here I was, stuck on the curb!
Giving it the ole “college try” …
After resting for awhile, I managed to struggle to my feet, tough it out, and continued to my dorm room.
After I made it back, I rested for awhile. I then realized I could no longer remain at college. I had been pushing myself through the weakness, brainfog and repeated infections for months. I finally hit a wall! Little did I know what I was in for—a struggle that would take years to navigate.
It was now time for a new chapter in my life. A chapter of great pain, isolation and suffering. Yet, little did I know that great things would come of this life setback, which would come to be one of the greatest things that had ever happened to me!
How did I get here?
At my worst point, I lived in my bed for four months, flat on my back—unable to even stand up! My dear mother cared for me and kept me alive.
Some may wonder–and rightly so: “How could a person suffer like this and not get proper medical care in this modern day and age?” But the fact is that that was the reality I was living through. I had been to doctor after doctor after doctor. There was no diagnosis for this mysterious illness, and the research data simply did not exist. Doctors were perplexed and could not help me. Some even treated me with disdain.
The most difficult part of this was I was an extroverted young adult, who loved being away at college among his friends and leading an active life. However, sometimes in life—no matter how hard you try—life throws you a curveball. And no matter how hard you swing—or how many times your swing–you just can’t hit that curveball! Such was the case with me.
A Glimmer of Hope …
Although that chapter in my life was devastating, and I could not see a way out of my dilemma, the time came when I could see light at the end of the tunnel. It was only a glimmer of hope. But that’s all you need when your back is against the wall: When you’re in a dark place in your life, even a tiny spark is discernible to you–and enough to light your way!
This chapter was a time of pondering, wondering about the purpose of life and praying for guidance and inspiration. The inspration came, and this painful chapter turned out to be a pivotal juncture in my life where I would experience unprecedented personal growth and development.
“When you’re in a dark place in your life, even a tiny spark is
discernible–and it’s enough to light your way forward!“
It was during that emotionally painful time that I began to see through the mirky, dark clouds that hung over me to the point where I could assess my life and gain clarity on the direction I was going. I was becoming a different person—for the better! My heart had changed.
I began to see things through a different lense—a lense that allowed me to discern the silver linings I had never noticed before. I now beheld and comprehended the meaning and purpose of my life. I gained understanding and inspiration on the direction I wanted to go in the future. I became excited and optimistic: No longer spinning my wheels in different directions. No more repeating the same painful mistakes. Now, I was going to make my life count. I was going to live my best life ever!
A Ubiquitous Phenomenon?
We all have chapters of devastation in our lives. Whether it’s health related (acute or chronic), divorce/breakup, family stress, job stress, caregiver burnout, loss, or a combination of these. When this happens, we are stripped of our confidence. Our self-efficacy dries up. We begin to doubt ourselves. And we begin to question our abilities.
It’s no wonder: When we go through a life setback, it is psychologically depleting. When we reach the point where our Mental, Physical, Emotion and Spiritual Accounts are empty, we feel like tapping out. We’ve got nothing left to give!
Yet, this is just a chapter in our lives. And, as it turns out, human beings are extremely adaptable creatures! As we begin to exercise Self-Compassion and Self-Care, our Psychological Bank Accounts begin to be replenished. But this takes time. Now, …with the right knowledge, tools and support—a person can replenish their accounts faster and spring back higher than ever!
“…as it turns out, human beings are extremely adaptable creatures!”
The Power of Science
Science shows that devastation and loss of the life we once knew can lead to Post Traumatic Growth (PTG):
Tedeschi et al, 2018, defined PTG as “positive psychological changes experienced as a result of the struggle with trauma or highly challenging situations”. It may feature positive changes in self-perception, relationships, increased self-awareness, a boost in self-confidence, … and a greater appreciation of life and the discovering of new possibilities (Tedeschie & Calhoun, 1996).
The challenge, however, is that (in our depleted state) we may choose not to take this painful chapter as an opportunity for unprecedented personal growth. Left to our own devices while in an exhausted, vulnerable state, we can become bitter, disillusioned, and repeat mistakes in our life that continue to deplete us.
Opportunity for Unprecedented Personal Growth
But it doesn’t have to be that way. By being proactive and tapping into the right tools and resources, we can come out on top—higher that we ever were before! For instance, some benefits that I’ve experienced as a result of my struggle with—and recovery from—a life-changing event have been a surge in:
- Creativity
- Spiritual development
- Compassion and Empathy
- Emotional Intelligence (EI)
- The desire to help others through their difficulties
When we use our strengths in ways that are meaningful to us, it mitigates stress and energizes us by replenishing our Psychological Bank Accounts (Mental, Emotional, Physical, Spiritual)–setting the stage for significant personal growth.
Somewhere in my life journey, I discovered Positive Psychology, which supplied me with the tools to harness my Signature Strengths and apply them in my life. This gave me traction and leverage that I may never have discovered had things always “gone well” in my life. But now I find much joy, meaning and fulfillment in my life, much of which is realized through helping others discover the same for themselves!
“By being proactive and tapping into the right tools and resources,
we can come out on top—higher than we ever were before!”
If you’re going (or have gone) through a painful chapter in your life and would like to learn how to become more Resilient so you can spring back higher than ever, reach out to me to schedule your Complimentary 15-minute Discovery Call.
If you’re serious about learning how to gain from your struggle and take action to spring back into your best life ever, click the link below. Remember: You’re not counted out yet: Your best, most meaningful life ever could be just around the corner!
Yours in Thriving!
-Tom Ligi, CAPP
Positive Psychology Consultant
Resilience & Transformation Coach
[email protected]